The Bert to my Ernie
Holly and I have been friends for years. She is my best friend. We have stood by each other through cross country moves, messy break ups, cutting off a piece of thumb and rather than calling and saying “hey, I need a ride to the ER” sending a text instead saying “what are you doing?”What is the rule Holly? “If there is blood or a hospital visit, it results in a phone call not a text”. It was recently pointed out by two different friends that we should “just get married already.” Really, we do have that long term relationship bickering thing going. A good way to explain it is that we are like Bert and Ernie.Including people seem to think our relationship is something more than platonic. Which I never got. Why would people go so far with something that Sesame Street had to put out a press release?

Which lead to a new bicker. Who is Bert and who is Ernie? I say she is Bert to my Ernie. Except for the whole bird thing. When you or I see this:

Holly sees this:

But Holly says she is totally Ernie.
So, internet, what do you think? Is Holly more Bert like: collects bottlecaps. Kind and intelligent, but grumpy at times and can be easily frustrated. But she has no problem doing whatever it takes for a friend. Remember that episode where Bert traded his paper clip collection for a soap dish so Ernie’s rubber duckie wouldn’t fall into the bath anymore? That is Holly in a nutshell. Except she doesn’t have a paper clip collection…she has binders…She also knows a lot of, and has interest in very useful but obscure things. She would probably be a member of the National Association of W Lovers. And she is a big Mister Rogers fan.

I on the other hand went to a school where ducks were the mascot, and had a large collection of rubber duckies. And like Ernie I can be a little bit scatterbrained, wanting to do something, then letting Holly figure out how to make it work. I am also quite easily distracted. Usually by yarn or shiney things. Oh, I also know all the words to “Rubber Duckie.”
So, what do you think? Is Holly the Bert to my Ernie? Or is it visa versa?
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Cerridwen is going to try to tell you that I’m the Bert in our relationship. She’s as wrong about this as Austin City Limits causing the current infestation of hipsters. I am totes the Ernie. She’s the Bert.
1. My humor has the sophistication of a twelve year old. I could turn the Pope’s Easter mass into a “that’s what she said” joke.
2. I’m happy-go-lucky and work in a call center as a trainer—-essentially a corporate stand up comic. She works with refugees and has a rule that the work day is over after the fourth mention of gang rape.
3. Birds. You will not find me on the non-fork-holding end of a pigeon. Birds do not like me and they’ve had it in for me as long as I can remember. Twiddle bugs, on the other hand, find me a delight.
4. I am well-connected in the community and can source anything on a moment’s notice. If you need tap shoes for sheep, I know a guy.
5. True, I do collect bottlecaps. For a client. Who uses them to create outsider art. One of his pieces recently auctioned for $600.

6. Cerridwen’s hobbies include kayaking, knitting, and other things that begin with K. Today she admitted, “I’m not entirely sure who Lindsay Lohan is.” Are these the words of an Ernie? (And you do NOT want to know what she does with rubber duckies.)
To be fair, as a child my favorite was Bert. He seemed like the kind of friend I’d want to have. And now I do. La-la-la…



